How Ritual Holds Us
Rituals are an action or set of actions with a symbolic and meaningful value. So often in life, and death, we are passive recipients of change, transition, and time that are given to us. Ritual provides us a way in which we can assume ownership of these compelled forces and opens us up to an active engagement in these processes.
Ritual nurtures a mindful experience of honoring transitions and a space for acknowledgement. I recently was in conversation with a member of the Wampanoag tribe, and he was sharing with me that when they experience a death in their life, they cut their hair as an emotional and spiritual ritual. This tangibly marks their transition of who they were before the death, their loss and the growth that happens after. Transitions in life are going to happen regardless but ritual allows us to be more present and attune to the process.
Ritual inscribes understanding of time and change in our hearts. In ancient times we had many rituals deeply connected to nature and the cyclical essence of our mother earth. In modern times many of us make comments like “this year is flying by” and “I can’t believe it’s already Summer”, perhaps part of our disbelief is that we’ve lost some of the intentional and sacred acts of marking the passing of time and season. Similarly, in loss we hear people say things like “I can’t believe they’ve been gone 5 years already”. Rituals creates a meaningful way to mark the passing of time and space for reflection. They can be as formal as a yearly memorial service, or as personal as making their favorite dessert on their birthday every year.
Ritual fosters connection. The rituals we conduct in memory of our dead tethers us together. Some common grief rituals include placing flowers on a grave, lighting a candle in your person’s memory or donating to a cause that was meaningful to them. It could be continuing a ritual you shared together, taking a walk every Sunday, having a nightly cup of tea, going on a golf trip every spring, or going out for breakfast the first Saturday of the month. It could look like creating a new ritual in their honor, reading their favorite book once a year, every time you swim in the ocean saying a little prayer since they loved the beach, stopping at every lemonade stand you pass because they did or wishing upon every dandelion gone to seed because they were always trying to irradicate them from your lawn but you thought they were beautiful.
These are just some of the ways in which ritual can hold us during difficult times. We have cultural and societal rituals that can serve us with the ease of familiarity. Ritual can also be profoundly personal, and you have the ability and freedom to create whatever rituals feel right for you and bring you peace, contentment, and comfort.